Focusing on the Caregiver:
U-M research offers insight into helping caregivers cope, con't.
TIPS FOR HEALTHY CAREGIVING RELATIONSHIPS
Keep the communication open. It's helpful for patients and
caregivers to talk through their emotions with one another. Often, people take it for granted that they know what other
people are thinking or feeling. Even if you know another person intimately, you may be surprised to learn how he or she feels.
But share responsibly. You don't have to talk about everything
you're feeling. Dumping feelings on one another can lead to more stress.
Set aside longstanding conflicts. Now is not the time to settle
old fights. Save your energy to deal with the cancer.
Begin to accept that the only certainty is uncertainty. Coping
with uncertainty is key. It may not be pleasant, but try to
remember that uncertainty is part of life -- with or without cancer.
Re-prioritize. Consider what's most important to you now and
let other obligations fall by the wayside. Learn to say no.
Maintain a healthy lifestyle. This is important for caregivers
and patients-both physically and emotionally. Caregivers,
don't ignore or delay treatment for your own health problems.
Exercise can help relieve stress, so take time to go to the gym
or for a walk in the park. The healthier you are, the better
caregiver you will be.
Allow each other space. It's good to spend time with other
people, too. Caregivers, in particular, often feel too guilty to
leave the house. Take time to recharge emotionally by spending
a night out with friends.
Let cancer recede into the background. Take time for enjoyable
distractions. Try not to let your worries consume your life.
Ask for help. Many of the tips offered here are challenging.
Consider seeking out professional counseling to help you work
through this.
"It's very hard for both of us," Ann said.
"We're very close, and I can't bear the thought of my sister being alone. It's really hard for her to think about me not being here."
"She's known me my entire life since childhood," Didi said. "She knows how we got to be the way we are, for better or worse."
"You don't get to choose your sisters the way you choose spouses," Ann said. "You get the good side and the bad side."
"Spouses can remarry, but I'm not going to get another sister," Didi said.
Talking about cancer and death isn't easy.
But Northouse said her research suggests that
people who are able to cope with it directly -- rather than through avoidance -- fare much
better emotionally. Often, people try to protect
one another by not talking about their fears
and sadness.
"People put a lot of energy into not talking
about it," Northouse said. "Caregivers don't
want to upset patients or put an extra burden
on them. But it's really hard to support one
another when you don't know what the other
is feeling."
All the families Thrive interviewed agreed
that talking through their situation with a
nurse helped them to feel more comfortable.
For Bernhard and Reisner, it was reassuring,
too.
"It helped us to focus on the really positive
things we have going for us," Pauline said. "It
also made us think about how fortunate we
were that we had a strong relationship and we
could be supportive of each other.
"It really makes you realize how much
teamwork is involved."
For more information
Learn more about our
PsychOncology Program, which is designed specifically for families coping with a cancer diagnosis.
Listen to a podcast offering tips for helping families cope with a
cancer diagnosis.
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