Looking Back

As I look back at the experience of having been diagnosed with breast cancer in September of 1989, I clearly recall the fear and anxiety I felt when the surgeon said, during my breast lump biopsy, "It looks suspicious." I knew in my heart that the impressions of his trained eye would be accurate - the pathology report would be cancer.

Being diagnosed with breast cancer was an incredibly overwhelming experience. Prior to diagnosis my life had been exceptionally busy. I had been working full time and was also a full time graduate student. After diagnosis my priorities totally changed.

Nothing was more important than fighting the disease.

My initial fears were intensified, no doubt, because of my mother's untimely death at age 40 due to breast cancer. However, I realized that her options for treatment in 1952 were extremely limited and basically consisted of radical disfiguring surgery or benign neglect. I felt fortunate to benefit from the remarkable progress that had been made in intervening years for the treatment of breast cancer. I had several treatment options from which to choose and the outlook for cure was very promising.

My treatment included surgery, radiation therapy, chemotherapy, and hormonal therapy. In addition to conventional medical treatment, I focused my energies on maintaining a healthy life style, including regular exercise and good nutrition. I explored complementary therapies such as relaxation and visual imagery techniques, and found them to be very beneficial to my emotional health. One of the frustrating things about this disease is that there are so many things you can't control. It helped a great deal to focus on things I could control.

Facing Forward

Sam Donaldson, a survivor of melanoma, has said that once cancer strikes it's always stalking. Fear of recurrence is normal. However, with each succeeding year of cancer survivorship, that fear has diminished. I'm reassured by the fact that there continues to be tremendous medical progress. The future is very hopeful for prevention and cure, and this gives me great reassurance, not only for myself, but also for my daughters and granddaughters.

Attitudes toward cancer have changed tremendously since the time of my mother's diagnosis. Survivors now think in terms of living with, through and beyond the experience of having had cancer.

At the time of diagnosis I wouldn't have thought my life would be changed in positive ways as the result of having had cancer, but as I face forward, I can honestly say that view has changed.

As a volunteer peer counselor I've made many new friends and have benefited from the rewards of helping others who have been newly diagnosed. It's a concept of the "veteran helping the rookie," which many cancer survivors choose to follow. I've had an opportunity to heighten the awareness of others to issues of cancer survivorship through public and professional presentations. I've become a member of the National Coalition for Cancer Survivorship and participated in "The March" on the mall in Washington D.C. in September, 1998. "The March" advocated successfully for increased federal funding for cancer research.

Having had cancer enables one to clearly identify priorities and focus on things in life that are of true value. It's enabled me to have the freedom to do things I want to do, and not defer for the "right time." I've learned to enjoy the moment, to live in the present. I've faced my own mortality and have peace of mind about that.

There's a quote that's become a guide for me as I face forward, "Live as though you may die tomorrow, learn as though you will live forever."

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