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by Emily Hollenberg, 4-year breast cancer survivor
11. Your alarm clock goes off at 6 a.m. and you're glad to
hear it.
10. April 15th is still a great day.
9. Your mother-in-law invites you to lunch and you just say
NO.
8. You're back in the family rotation to take out the garbage.
7. When you no longer have an urge to choke the person who
says, "all you need to beat cancer is the right attitude."
6. When your dental floss runs out and you buy 1000 yards.
5. When you use your toothbrush to brush your teeth and not
comb your hair.
4. You have a chance to buy additional life insurance but
you buy a convertible instead.
3. Your doctor tells you to lose weight and do something about
your cholesterol and you actually listen.
2. When your biggest annual celebration is again your birthday,
not the day you were diagnosed.
1. When you use your Visa card more than your insurance card.
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Ten Positive Things about Not Having
Hair
- Emily Hollenberg, 4-year breast cancer survivor
10. Your hair never gets out of control.
9. You can save a lot of money on shampoo, hair cuts, perms, dye jobs
and body waxing.
8. If you go to the bowling alley and there is a long wait for a lane,
just put your turban on, place your bowling ball in front of you and charge
for fortune reading.
7. If you walk through the airport without your wig and in your bathrobe,
people will give you money. The best airport according to my sources is
San Francisco.
6. The shower and the sink drains require a lot less DranoTM.
The need for rodding is completely eliminated.
5. You are happy to go to the show to see a hair-raising movie.
4. Your hair can keep your teeth company in the bathroom.
3. You can remove your hair when you weigh yourself.
2. People can see a strong resemblance between you and your new grandchild.
1. You can charge people $10 for rubbing your head. Remember when you
were pregnant and total strangers would come up and pat your stomach...
seriously, never talk about your hemorrhoids!!
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10 Ways You Know That
Your Doctor is an Oncologist
- Emily Hollenberg, Cancer Survivor
10. Even though he/she is wearing a white lab coat and not a military
uniform, words like battle, fight, war and weapons are frequently
used in the conversation.
9. You know that your doctor is an oncologist at a medical
center when he/she uses "oma" words like carcinoma, lymphoma
and melanoma instead of cancer.
8. He/she tries to explain to you why a low grade is better
than a high grade on your path report. (I could have used
that approach explaining my grades to my parents.)
7. He/she wants you to be excited when your tests come back
negative not positive, of course this does not fit with most
life experiences when you know it is better to be positive
than negative.
6. He/she talks a lot about trials and as far as you know
is not a lawyer or a judge.
5. When shaking hands with you at your initial appointment,
you have a feeling that your veins are being checked out.
4. Asks you if you want a port and you know that this is not
an invitation to have a drink.
3. Tells you that you will get a series of treatments and
you keep wondering where the "treat" part comes in.
2. Tells you that you are on a protocol and it doesn't seem
to fit with the dictionary definition. Protocol: form of ceremony
and etiquette observed by diplomats and heads of state.
1. Has you sign a consent form for treatment that is more
intimidating than the diagnosis.
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