 Toni
Spano-English, Diagnosed with Hodgkin’s Disease, 1989
What went through your mind when you were first
diagnosed?
It all happened really fast. I felt a lump in my neck that
wasn’t there the day before.
Thinking it might be mono, I saw a doctor, who ruled that
out and ordered a biopsy– the diagnosis came within
a week. I was 18– just out of high school. I remember
exactly what I thought when I heard the word cancer: I was
going to get very thin, lose my hair, throw up all the time
and then die.
What was it like to go through cancer treatment as
a teenager?
I had eight months of chemotherapy and lost all my hair after
the first treatment. Remember, big hair was the “thing”
in the ’80’s, so I was devastated to lose mine.
I underwent a number of surgeries, each leaving another shameful
scar. My spleen had to be removed, which made it tough to
fight infections – and still does.Toward the end of
each month’s chemo, low blood counts and fevers would
land me in the hospital for days– that was before today’s
anti-side effect medications.With friends away at college,
I didn’t have many hospital visitors, and with hair
loss and weight gain from steroid treatments, I was embarrassed
to have company at home. I was isolated and angry. I really
let cancer take over my life.
Knowing what you know now, any advice for young adults facing
cancer?
Looking back, I can see that keeping to myself and spending
energy trying to protect others didn’t help me or anyone else.The
best advice I can give is to reach out, even when it’s hard –
and be specific about what you need. If you want company, say so. If you want to be by
yourself, don’t hesitate to speak up about that, too. People want to help,
but they need to know what to do.
Tell us about your life now–has the cancer of your youth
impacted your adult life?
Not long after finishing my treatment I began sharing my cancer
experience with others as a peer counselor at the Cancer Center
– I’ve been involved in the program ever since.
I always wished someone my age could have been there for me,
so stepping into that role has been very rewarding. Cancer
taught me there are no guarantees.
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